The Regional Men’s Health Initiative team talk to a lot of blokes, the other side to this is we also do a lot of listening.  One comment that comes up, especially from men of the older generation is “I wish I had spent more time with my kids” or maybe “I spent my life busting my guts working, I missed out on a lot of the little things”.

Life can definitely be a double edged sword at times, and I personally have the utmost respect for men who saw their primary role as the breadwinner and gave precedence to their work, with the best interest of their family in mind.  The downside to this, of course, was that these men were quite often too busy with work, or away from the family, to be able to commit time at home to do some of the little things that are now considered normal 
My partner did an amazing job giving birth to all three of our children at home (under the supervision of an experienced midwife) and I was actively encouraged to be involved through all stages of the pregnancy and birthing process.  My experience, of course, is vastly different to that of men from my grandfather’s era, who were told by the midwife “well you have done your job, we’ll let you know when we need you!”
In today’s society the family structure varies and there are no set rules on who does what.  Women have historically been considered the carers and nurturers, but they may also have careers of which some were once considered “men” only professions.  The question I have is “are we as open and accepting of men who show both a nurturing and caring side as well as a commitment to his working and professional career”?  Is this balance possible?
Spending time with the kids is definitely a priority for many blokes and I believe some of the most enjoyable and rewarding times comes from being in their company.  Don’t get me wrong we will all have times when we’re challenged, tested (definitely our patience) and sometimes even question our ability as a father, this is normal.  In addition to this we need to be aware of and also manage our work, spend time with our partner and make time to explore our own passions and interests (self-care).
A few tips for father and/or father/mentor figures out there:
•    Don’t be afraid of the everyday tasks when your child is born; changing nappies, bathing, feeding, they’re all important bonding opportunities.
•    As your kids grow get to know them and take an interest in their passions, interest, hopes, dreams and schooling.
•    Talk to your kids, ask them how their day was, tell them about your day, and reading is one of the simplest beneficial things you can do.
•    There is a saying “if we spent twice as much time and half the amount of money on our children we and they would be better off”.  Keep it simple, time and presence is the most precious gift.
To those men out there who may carry feelings of regret, guilt or loss about what they missed out on with their children, don’t forget that any guy can be a dad but it takes someone special to be a father.  Even if your children are now adults don’t forget every child, no matter what their age, seeks the approval of their father.  Tell your kids today that you’re proud of them and you love them. 
Terry and the Team
The Regional Men’s Health Initiative
delivered by Wheatbelt Men’s Health (Inc.)    
PO Box 768, Northam WA 6401
Phone: 08 9690 2277
Email: menshealth@4blokes.com.au
www.regionalmenshealth.com.au